The cases of divorce can be in many factors, Cathy Meyer is a certified Marriage and Relationship Educator and she holds a master Degree in Psychology from the University of Alabama explain the major of divorce. She concludes after a year working with the clients. She said there are three majors why spouse take the decision to be apart. Firstly, laziness is the first phase that occurs before divorce happen. Laziness means the couple feels reluctant to maintain the marriage life. The couple must learn about the relationship. Mostlythey do not keep and not holding to the commitment they have made, and blame each other. Cathay Mayer said, “Marriage takes hard work, if you want to make your marriage life will not last”. Secondly, lack of communication skills. It means communication between spouses is necessary. The spouses do not know how to impress their feelings besides they do not want to try to be a good listener each other. Thirdly ishigh expectation to the marriage life. Sometimes men and women think about what they want before they communicate the aim to marry someone.
Since the marriage life does not have foundation, of course the purpose will not come to the top of goal. Misunderstanding can be a trigger for the couples. Apparently, maturity is the key to hold the marriage life, no matter how hard if we look at the basic aim, the couples can survive in order to maintain the marriage life rather than to have separation.
Egoistic between the couple can bring the kind of victims to the children. Marriage couples who have children will find another case. Regrettably, parents do not think about it. They just set out the egoism aspects, and parents mostly ignore the effects of divorce. Serious impacts remain to the children because they cannot handle their emotion after seeing separation. The children are faced with multiple stressors, and they will have brittle characters. The law of advisor in UK explained the effect of divorce to the children producetraumatic feeling, and feeling fear.According to Dr.Guidubaldy’s researched that the children who exposed with divorced are likely twice to repeat a grade; it is the same with problem learning.
Based on The Law of Advisor in UK, traumatic feeling occurred when the children realized that the parents do not live in the same roof anymore. Children will have feeling sad, because they have unstable emotion. Grieving of losing the parents, and they feel that they have are gone. Daily routine which settle become ruin and feeling sad to face their life and it makes trauma feeling remain in them. Children are like adult they need a time to release their feeling, traumatic appears becoming anger characteristic.
Feeling fear or even overwhelming fear is what they feel about parents’ separation. Children will feel alone, they feel no one hold them to face the future. Children are innocent they feel afraid that they cannot meet their parents anymore.
Problem learning, Dr.Guidubady explained his research, “Children who exposed to divorce are twice as likely to repeat a grade and five times likelier to be expelled or suspended from school”. We can see the seriousness effect of divorce influenced the children directly. Do not let it happen, wise couple will not make the marriage life end.
However, divorce is not the solution to the marriagelife. We need to learn more about what is relationship between husband and wife. Kindly parents have to think about the effect to the children also. Throw away the emotion and think twice before having decision because we are not alone. Marry someone is not merely to think about two persons. Realized that another member’s family are bound in it. The children will extremely feel the effect of divorce after separation. Learn to be wise is the key to hold the marriage life.
No body perfect in this world, acceptance, struggled in honest, the softness, and forgiveness are the tools in order to defend the problems. The children are the assets from the family itself, we have to take care of them. Children are the mirrors, and they become our reflections. They need provision to face the future, and this is our jobs to shape the characteristics so that they can be strong persons to reach their goals.
Sources; Simple free law advisor.co.uk/<http://www.sfla.co.uk/effectschildren.htm> and Three Major Causes of Divorce, The effect of Divorce to the Children,<http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/isdivorcethesolution/a/Three-Major-Causes-Of-Divorce.htm>
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